Anchovies, anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.

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I'm probably the only person in the world for whom sleeping in a hotel with my kids really isn't a hard thing - they're both so used to cosleeping with me that it's just a matter of getting a king bed and laying perpendicular to the headboard. A couple well-placed pillows on nightstands and a chair or two to block them from rolling off, and we're good to go.

So, the Sea World report: in spite of Maine-esque weather (high 50's and either cloudy skies ir a steady drizzle pretty much the whole time we were at the park), a good time was had by all. Both girls loved the park, the animals and the hotel. Bean referred to the hotel as "our apartment", and was crushed to learn we were headed home to "our real house" on Sunday - she wanted to stay in the hotel longer. Both nights, she crashed within a few minutes of her head hitting the pillow and slept straight through the night. Miss O did her usual 20-30 minutes of frolicking, then she, too, was out for the night.

Anyone expecting a Zen-like experience at the Hill Country Resort's spa was likely no fan of the kids this weekend, but I take perverse pleasure in seeing people get pissed off at my kids enjoying themselves. There's just something so ... schadenfreude-y ... about annoying someone who's wound so tight that a couple of joyous shrieks and loud kid chatter puts their panties in a wad.

We arrived at Sea World early enough to feed the dolphins on Saturday morning, but Bean's excitement at the prospect was nipped in the bud when one of the popoises opened wide and exposed a mouth full of teeth; at that point, the tray o' anchovies or whatever they feed them was all mine {insert eveil muahahaha laugh and hand-rubbing here}. Miss O was beside herself, and likely would have crawled into the pool with them.

To my Cirque de SoGay hating self, the fact that Bean's favorite part of the day was the "Viva!" show with high divers and synchronized swimming was a bit of a blow. But she loved "all the acrobats and dolphins and the mommy and baby Beluga whales!" And, being the good mommy that I am, I totally went along with it and encouraged her. Viva! even bumped the Clydesdales from the top of the favorites list; probably because there were no baby horses :)

She and her friend C love-love-loved the "Cannery Row Caper" show, too, with the sea lions and the otter. The silly and slapstick-rich story had them in stitches. (Nice alliteration, huh?) And going to feed the seals and sea lions afterward was a HUGE hit. After the guide there explained the differences between seals and sea lions, I passed a couple nuggets on to my budding zoologist and she kept them straight for the rest of the trip. She and C would have cheerfully fed the pinnipeds all. day. long.

Saturday was the cloudy and cool day, so the kiddos got to play a little at Shamu's Happy Harbor and dig in the sand in between shows. The sun actually came out around 2:00 or so, tho at that point the kiddos had about had it and we headed back to play at the hotel. Lots of sand and playscape time, and a good bit of 'running around the lobby like a crazy person' time, along with 'bang on the piano' time :)

Sunday was just cold and wet all day, so it was a lot of indoor activities at Sea World (the aquarium and penguin exhibits were perfect for this). But Bean got to ride the little Shamu roller coaster (and did put her hands up with me) and a small ferris wheel in spite of the wet. We caught one last Cannery Row Caper and headed home around 3:00.

I'll definitely go back; with both girls and even a just mommy-and-Bean getaway a few times a year. She travels so well in the car, and if it's just she and I all day, I imagine the park will be a piece of cake. Maybe we'll see if Julia wants to take C and make a whole mommy-big-girl day of it one time too.

But now I need to get back to sleep and bid a reluctant farewell to my long weekend with the kiddos. I tweeted that sometimes I really miss being "just" a SAHM - this long weekend, tho trying at times, made me long for more quality time with them than just a few weekends a month. I'm sure I'd change my tune within a month or two, but man, I really miss doing things with them ....
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Fire bad, tree pretty.

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Ahhh ...

Coffee, a relaxing get ready for work morning, the distraction of looking at flights and hotels in sunny Florida ... I am so damn jazzed about getting to hit the beach, see sunsets and reconnect with old friends. Especially my bestest friend in the world :)

I found a hotel across the street from the beach, and now I'm back to playing with flight times. I thought I had booked already, but I had merely made a reservation (I didn't *hold* the reservation which, we all know, is key). I'm nervous about anything less than an hour layover in Atlanta, but if I stick with one carrier, an hour should be safe. There won't be that insane sprint up and down concourses ...

As I look at departure times, I know I want to be there in time for sunset Thursday night, so I can either get there around 6 with a late morning flight, or I can get there in time for a late lunch with an early a.m. flight. Since I'm usually up around 6:30 anyways, getting up an hour earlier to make a 7:00 flight doesn't seem *too* awful. And then I could grab lunch at The Main Bar and snarf down a Famous Italian or three.

Melissa, I hope your kiddos are better. You asked about my and Dave's custody arrangement. There's all sorts of options as far as summer and vacations go, and since we just make it all up on the fly, I've never bothered to pay much attention to that part. But the basic agreement is 'extended weekend possession' - he has the girls from Thursday evening through Monday morning the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of the month. So on 5-weekend months, I score two weekends off in a row. May was funky, because he technically had Memorial Day weekend this year, so he would have had 4 weekends in a row if we hadn't split that weekend up a bit.

I am, apparently, ridiculously fortunate that both he and I are far more concerned with the girls than we ever were with pettiness, in that we've always been very flexible with each other on any changes we need to make due to travel, other commitments, etc. From listening to other folks, this is not the norm. But even early on, I could be mad at him for one thing, but still be totally accommodating if he needed/wanted to leave town on "his" weekend. And vice versa. And now that our post-divorce relationship has settled into a pretty easy thing, we can just talk and if one of us wants to modify something, we do it.

Since we're back on the subject of divorce and details ... while I was indulging in Micheladas in the shade with Dan this weekend, he asked if I was happier now post-divorce.

It's a strange question, as I was not the divorce-seeker, and I fought to save my marriage.

It's a strange question, too, as I don't come from the position of "my marriage didn't let me be me". I always maintained my 'healthy boundaries' and never felt consumed or overrun by my marriage. To me, it was never about losing myself in another person, or surrendering my own wants / needs / identity to someone else. So, in a lot of fundamental ways, my post-divorce life isn't that totally different from my pre-divorce life.

But after I got through all those disclaimers, I realized that - you know what? I *am* happier. Of course, the free weekends rock, but it's more than that. It's the total freedom, the not having to compromise with anyone. He really believed I never compromised, but there was a lot of compromise on my part, it was just more subtle than his.

Does my happiness necessarily mean the divorce was good for me? I don't know; to me, marriage and relationships necessitate some loss of individual happiness in the quest for the common good. So it's only logical that life outside of a couple should be happier than life within it. The solo life is free of so many stressors and pain factors that come with a relationship; giving yourself over to someone else means exposing yourself to hurts and heartaches you wouldn't have on your own.

You gain a lot from relationships, too, but having had a variety of solo- and relationship- perspectives on 'happy', I think people are generally happier when they're alone. It's easier to be happy when you only have one happy to worry about; as soon as someone else's happy is tied to your pleasure cruise, everything gets more bogged down and more complicated. So it's easy to say "look how happy I am now that I'm divorced". Of course you are. I am. Is it superior to the more muted 'happy' of a relationship? I'm not sure ...

Maybe that's the "good" thing about divorce - maybe when you start new relationships you do a better job of maintaining your own identity, your solo happy, and the group 'happy' is less muted ...

That's a lot to think about on a Monday. I'm not sure my brain is really functioning on that high a level. It's back to the fire and the tree.