Your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good.

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Poor O has been grumpy lately. I picked her up on Friday, and she came out to me crying and never really got herself straightened out. I asked the teacher at the door what happened, twice, and was pretty much ignored, so I was left with O's "my butt-butt hurts" and between Bean and I, we managed to ascertain that she fell - or was pushed and fell - on her butt. We're pretty sure someone pushed her, but I couldn't make out a name.

(Another gripe about the school, she came out with dried snot schmeared all over her face. Like her nose ran, she wiped at it with her hand or sleeve, smeared it around and it dried on her cheeks. Over and over, and no-one could be bothered to take a wipe to her face with a diaper wipe. Tho I don't think they can be bothered with diaper wipes if the kids just pee, since she comes home with a bright red tush and remnants of that morning's butt balm.)

Anyhow, I elevated my parenting game to include a stop at Sonic for grilled cheese and popcorn chicken for their dinner, we came home, ate, did bathtime and then sacked out.

Yesterday, we did our breakfast taco routine, checked on my folks' place and I had plans to take them *somewhere*, but O was just a mess. She was sooo sleepy, but wouldn't nap at home, insisted on a car ride, and only slept about 30 minutes. Bean wanted to go play at the mall, but it was *packed*, so we'll try the playscape again this a.m. before the mall opens.

Honestly, tho, I hate the mall playscape. It seems to be predominantly lowest common denominator parenting and kid behavior. Parents bring sick, bratty *too old for the playscape* kids and let them cough and sneeze everywhere while they run and jump and make things totally unsafe for the kids that "should" be there. So since we get up at the a$$-crack of dawn, we can easily be there well before it opens, and while those parents are still getting tattoos and bourbon for their kids.

We stopped at Barnes and Noble and then PetSmart. At PetSmart there were puppies and kittens, so they were beside themselves.

On the way home, we're talking, she's firing off questions (and oh dear *god* can I tell you how old it gets having to answer things like "why we call a horse a horse?" and the corollary "well, then, why did those people decide to call it a horse?" when I answer the first one with "I don't know, sweetie, people named everything a long time ago and I didn't have a vote")

Bean: What's a stepmother?
Mommy: It's when a daddy has a new wife.
Bean: ... {insert look of horror here}

I think to myself 'wow, she's not happy about "new wife"', and then an equally horrified look crosses my face as I recall we read Snow-Stupid-White at the bookstore and the stepmother tries to have Snow White killed.

I furiously backpedaled with all sorts of platitudes and disclaimers that stories like that were utter poppycock. But seriously - what kind of idiot am I? Normally, I'd have bee cagey-er about it, trying to ask why she asked, and gotten a context clue about the best answer. But after a discourse on why dogs were called dogs, the difference between a Honda and an Acura and an explanation about why there are cats and kittens that need homes I was in the "get it answered and move on" phase of the game.

So now I'll be spending the rest of the weekend trying to find naturally-occurring set-ups where I can talk about how fake Disney is, how totally unreal the stories are and how great new wives can be. Piece of cake.

Sigh.

Before I forget, when Miss O was crying in the car on the way home Friday, Bean made up a song that was essentially "calm down, calm down, calm your body down; mommy and Bean are right here and we love you and care about you and will always be your friend" it was beyond sweet, and she capped it off with something like "mommy is the best mommy in the world and she will always take care of you. But she's driving and has to look at the road so she doesn't run over any deer."

Eat your heart out, Hallmark.
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