Happy Fifth Birthday Bean!!

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Sweets, we've gone through a lot together so far, and I wanted you to know what I know:

You have a heart as big as Texas
You make me laugh every. single. day.
You've changed me, for the better, in so many ways.
You're an amazing person.
You ask so many great questions about the world around you.
Your curiosity and inquisitiveness keep me on my toes.
You're sweet and loving and never hesitate to show it.

You are magical, amazing and I am so lucky to be your mommy.

Happy Birthday, Princess. I cannot *wait* to see what the next year brings.


One hour old


One year old


Two years old


Three years old


Four years old


Five years old

Come on! It's a party!

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Today was the big girl's 5th birthday party. We did a joint party with two of her best friends, the fabulous Miss C and the irrepressible Miss A. Miss C's b-day is about two weeks before Bean's, and Miss A's is the day after Bean's. We usually have a 4-week run of parties, interrupted by July 4th, as a result.

This year, we opted for the joint party approach. And, believe it or not, it went off without a hitch. No catfights between the moms, no drama with the girls.

















The big girl had a blast, and so did her friends and her little sister. It was a fabulous way to get ready for her big 5th birthday. Thanks so much to everyone who joined in the fun!
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I didn't say you were stupid! So…stop being an idiot and let me fix this!

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It's been an emotional roller-coaster of a weekend.

The good: Bean's birthday party today was awesome. I used Wanna Play Playcare, which is a drop-in, hourly daycare facility; they're closed on Sundays and have two-hour slots for private parties that day. It was a really great experience - the kids had a ton of stuff to do, the parents could be a bit less vigilant because there was a locked door and no strangers (as well as two staff members) and they had a great food serving/eating area as well. My house just isn't big enough to host a party, so I'm always looking for an off-site location - I won't be looking anymore. As long as they're around, I'll be doing all kid parties at Wanna Play.

Bean had a great time, loved playing with her friends and even got to take in bits and pieces of a My Little Pony movie when she slowed down. She barely touched her cake, tho. (Actually, none of the kids really ate their cake. I think next time it'll be cookies and/or brownies, because I'm not a cake fan anyways.) Since almost all the 4-ish year olds have a 1-1.5-year-old younger sibling, it was a great time for the littles, as well.

Work is going well, but my stress level has been slowly ratcheting up as the Pink Slip Festival approaches. Dan has pointed out that I over think things, but in the case of this festival, I don't think I can over think many aspects. It's Austin, so at least half of the key players are these mellow "it'll work fine" people who aren't really following up on details or dotting all the i's. Maybe it will be fine, but my brain doesn't work that way: I see things play out to their logical/ likely conclusions in my head, so I'm starting to get a bit twitchy about everything that could go wrong.

We actually had a 'planning' day at work on Friday, where we spent the first half of the day planning stuff and the second half suffering through "Transformers 2" at the Alamo. That movie *sucked*. Good god, it was awful. The special effects were nifty, but the crappy acting and lame-ass dialog just killed me. I want to meet the person who thinks there was anything redeeming about this movie. There wasn't.

Friday night, Shirley came over for wine and conversation; Saturday night it was Julia and Cindy's turn. It was really great to spend some time with all of them, sans kiddos, since I never make playgroups or weekday outings anymore.

Saturday morning I had coffee with Dave's parents. It's the first time I've seen his dad since the divorce; I saw his mom once, right after the divorce, but the last time they were in town, She Who Shall Not Be Named was calling the shots (indirectly) and kiboshed anyone thinking anything nice about me. Since they're his folks, they went with the flow. Now that Voldemort's gone, we're all free to talk to each other again.

It was actually really nice seeing his folks, and the conversation was pleasant and flowed well. But the whole thing just made me sad. Sad for everything that I've lost, sad for the life I used to have, sad that it's gone ... I think I still mourn it, and while I know I need to move on - and have moved on in many ways, there's still this tiny little shred of denial/ hope/ stupidity that trips me up and keeps me from really, totally, for sure closing the door.

I'm not loving seeing that admission in black and white as I type this. I'm fighting myself, trying to decide if I leave it or delete it. I don't want to be stupid; and I certainly don't want to admit to the world that I feel that way ... but I feel like I have to maintain the open kimono I've always shown ya, fess up even when I'd prefer to shove this tiny bubble down somewhere and pretend (to y'all and to myself) it doesn't exist.

Eh, screw it. It stays. Don't beat me up too hard for being a dumbass, 'kay?
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They're obnoxious. Professionally.

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Been keeping busy at work: we wrapped up the Career Fair Friday; the Pink Slip Festival is a week and a couple days out, and there's still a ton of details to handle for that; the day after the Fest I have another two classes to coordinate ... I'm looking forward to August - when Dan will be on vacation for a week and I'll be sitting around with my thumb up my butt. Comparatively speaking, at least - there will still be tons of copy writing, web site maintenance, Tweeting and status updating on his behalf, brand-building ... the things I do and have learned to do on this job are so awesome for my resume and future employability. Assuming I ever leave this job :)

I had a dinner meeting Thursday (I am starting to gain weight from all the dinners and drinks lately ... lunches weren't that bad for me, since I could make good choices - but dinner and beer ... ugh.) to start the ball rolling on the next event Dan's thinking about - a golf tournament. More on this later, because I really can't take all of that in until I wrap up the Pink Slip dealie. But yeah, a golf tournament. Thankfully I know rules, etiquette and terminology since I've dated a lot of golfers. I even understand *how* to play; I just wouldn't subject anyone to playing with me.

Bean's b-day party is Sunday the 19th at a drop-in daycare place, Wanna Play Playcare. They do private parties on Sundays so that should be a nice change from the flashing lights, loud noise and frantic chasing around at places like Chuck E Cheese - I'm anticipating this being a lot more laid back and less stressful because the kids will be locked in a couple thousand square feet and the parents won't need to watch their every move.

Although I won't be running my usual zone coverage on the girls - Dave and his parents will be there, as will my folks. With that kind of support watching the girls, I could hold the party at the beach in heavy surf and feel a bit more relaxed than I do when I'm on zone defense. I just usually never get to talk to anyone because I'm tracking Bean and O; it'll be nice to have them both confined and to have extra eyes on them.

And speaking of Bean, who sent her and O the Sherlock McBiscuit book? Too, too cute!

Bean's behavior the past two nights has been horrible. It's like she can make good choices and be well-behaved until like 6:00, and then it all shuts off. She won't listen or do what I ask, she runs away laughing, she ignores me ... it's enough to make my tiny little brain *snap*. So there's hollering, screaming, threatening and, sadly, sometimes a spanking - that she laughs about and then ratchets my blood pressure up like a bazillion. And then right when it's time to lay down, tearful apologies and promises to make better choices so she can have her stories back that she lost, get to change out of the pajamas I put her in when she wouldn't listen, etc ... like that makes it all okay and that gets her everything back. She can't act like a sh*t for an hour and then say "sorry, I'll make good choices" and *poof* get everything back. I actually took her new Ponies away and 'threw one in the garbage' last night. Seriously. Well, 'seriously' in that she thinks it's in the garbage, but I really went that far in an attempt to get her to listen and behave. It worked for 3.5 seconds.

And then when it's all over she wants me to hold her and apologize to her. And then tells me I'm bad when I won't apologize. Good times.

I've got a tired, crying toddler to deal with (up at 4:45. Joy.) so I'm just going to wrap this up so I can post something ... I've been working on this since the 9th!
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Happy Birthday Bean!!

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My Big Girl turns four today! She went to school dressed in her newest (and poofiest. and pinkest.) princess dress, de-frickin'-lighted that today was her day. When one of the boys from her old class saw me, he asked "Where's Bean?" I called her over and he said "you look pretty". Awww. This was one of the other kids that the delightful Miss A picked on, so I have a soft spot for him anyways :)

Dave brought a fruit tray to school for her to celebrate with her friends this afternoon, and he owes me pictures - as soon as I get one, I'll share it, but in the meanwhile, here's my big girl at the fireworks on Saturday.


Happy Birthday, Bean. Mommy simply adores you for all you are and for everything you say and do.
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