There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities ...

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Le sigh.

And an extra le sigh.

Bean got the boot from preschool today. Okay, not 'the boot', but they asked us to take a break and not bring her back until January. Which for working parents pretty much means 'the boot', as now we'll have to start her in a new preschool, pay all their enrollment and start-up fees, and get her acclimated there. At which point, it's not like we'll want to yank her two months later to go back to her now-former school.

I'll give them credit for holding on this long, and doing everything they could. But Bean's incident reports were piling up, and two sets of parents have now come in to say their kids are specifically afraid of Bean and don't want to come to school anymore.

There are more, sordid details that I've bored most of y'all with on the phone already and I just don't feel like putting all out there, but Bean is seen as an aggressive and vociferously independent kid that they've exhausted their ideas and solutions on. And I'm not saying that in any sort of condemning way toward them; I'd feel the same way in their shoes.

But I'm not in their shoes; I'm her "mama". The person who loves her beyond reason and is heartbroken that she's struggling so much, that she carries so many burdens around and lashes out so strongly at times. I'm the one who sees everything she is, and knows it's just rock solid good at it's core. I'm the one who can (and does) overlook the flaws and doesn't have to worry about managing a classroom - I get to set her up for success and help her navigate her feelings before they're meltdowns.

And while most everyone who knows her has been treated to an Epic freakout at one point or another, they don't see her as an aggressive kid or a mean kid. Unfortunately, that's not the impression she was making at her school.

I'm not sure what's right for her now, but I'll obviously be spending a good chunk of my weekend trying to figure out the next move. Is a Montessori approach better? A nanny? An in-home daycare? Nanny and in-home worry me that they won't be stimulating enough; another school setting worries me that once the novelty wears off, she'll have similar issues there.

And, much as I hate saying it, I worry that the aggression she's displayed won't be "fixed" by moving her to another school setting. I don't know if a more individualized setting, like a nanny or in-home care would be better able to help her succeed and learn to manage her feelings ... She needs to see a psychologist for sure, and likely an occupational therapist, as her sensory issues play a role in this.

My poor kid. I think some of this would have happened even without the divorce, but it certainly didn't make her life any easier. She wants her "family" together so badly; any group of objects she has, she makes a family. Plastic horses, Ponies, crayons, rocks .... it's heartbreaking to see her name off "this is the daddy, this is the mommy, and this is me and this is Miss O", and to hear her almost-daily mantra "I want all of my family in the same house" or some variation on that.

Divorce sucks. Especially for kids.
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I'll keep saying it, it's fun to say... dollhouse, dollhouse, dollhouse, dollhouse.

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Sorry for neglecting y'all. I was on mommy duty this week, and except for staying up late Monday to blog, I crashed with the girlies on Tuesday and Wednesday, then felt kinda crappy yesterday, and not at all in the mood to blog. I think I've nipped whatever it is in the bud, but I'll be keeping the vitamin megadosing and the hot baths that jack up my body temp, plus making sure I get some decent sleep this weekend.

Oh.

Hi.

I'm back. I was going to say that I had just finished watching tonight's episode of Joss Whedon's brilliant Dollhouse. But then I went to the Fox site to linky it, started reading some stuff about Joss and the Dollhouse, and ended up going down the rabbit hole in search if a full version of the unaired Epitaph One online. Yes. I know. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Can't help it. Ironically, I just lost another 20 minutes reading the wiki for Epitaph One (that I just watched) and then linking out to Dollhouse quotes wiki and reading all of those. It's a sickness.

Anyways ... Bean had a somewhat rough week at school, a good week with me, and then off to Dave's for the weekend again. We're finally back into the "normal" schedule, where he has them the 1st/3rd/5th weekends, after some juggling in August/September. Two weekends off in a row is a little discombobulating, and honestly, not something I enjoy anymore. I used to kind of like and need it, but nowadays, even one weekend off seems like too much.

Her teacher seems to have come around to leading with the good; so much so that it's all "she had an awesome day!" and then a quiet "but there is an incident report in her cubby." I know she was doing the spitting thing again on Wednesday, and she had another report yesterday about pushing someone down. There's a lot of aggression showing lately, and I just don't get it. She's been really vocal and expressive about wanting her whole family back together, so I don't know if that's part of it, if she just has crappy anger management abilities, if she'd have been like this even without the divorce ... who knows.

Melissa, you said you were dealing with violence/temper stuff, but in a 2-ish year old? Have you identified any triggers? Miss O will bite sometimes at school, but it seems more about just being pissed off at a kid than actual aggression, if that distinction makes sense? The reports I've gotten on her stuff always have a kind of slapstick quality to them: "Bit a friend when he wouldn't move out of the chair she wanted"; with Bean, she's punching a kid for calling her Spiderman and sticking his tongue out at her. Not that I don't get that Spiderman can be a bit of a diss, but sticks and stones and all that ...

Julia, I could totally see me having the same issues as your neighbor, because I think I'm less strict and more laissez-faire than Dave, and yet he's the one who's experiencing the behavior problems. I'm not sure why ...
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I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?

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Doing clean up the other night, Bean observed: "There are 34 Bristle Blocks, mommy."

So, naturally, I asked if she had counted all of them, to which she replied: "No, I used my imagination and I counted them in my brain! I practice-ed, and practice-ed until I got it right."

Not bad, kiddo.

Sadly, as we discussed what she was bringing for show-and-tell, she decided on baby Cheerilee, the fan-flippin-tastic talking MLP she got for her bday. Not her take-apart human torso, not her tree book, not her body puzzle or even her "biology book with the baby being born!". I'd have been happy if she even took the "mommy" horse, whose boobs were actually boy parts. But no. Baby Cheerilee. Ah well, she is only 4 after all.

So I dropped her off Wednesday morning, and reminded her the next two nights were with daddy, as I had a couple functions to attend.

Wednesday night was some 'Texas Music & Film Playmakers Social' at The Ranch downtown. I wasn't looking forward to the event, but ended up having a blast and meeting a few interesting folks. Last night I was supposed to go to a Door64 happy hour, but ended up leaving work early because I felt like crap - no fever, just a lot of nausea. I was also smelling The Smell all day long, even at work.

I'm a bit better today, and thankfully, no Smell, but I may be in for a parent-teacher conference later today. More on this when I'm not about to head to work, but apparently, Bean had a meltdown and kicked a teacher, then, as she was running away, kicked a kid's head. She also whacked her dad in the face. I need to understand how it all went down, get the teachers' sides and get Bean's side, but I'm a bit perplexed how to handle this, and wondering if anyone else is seeing/has seen stuff like this around 4 years and how they handle(d) it ...

Help!
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