Birds need to fly, and girls need to use the toilet

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Well, we're through week two of "regular" preschool for Bean and she's holding her own. Laying on her mat at naptime, no full-scale meltdowns, and she seems to be taking to heart that she needs to step up her own self-control. At least so far.

Is it perfect? No. Actually, I'm pretty underwhelmed by her experience there. She's got some academics going on, and brings home practice writing every day, which is better than the academic void she had been in. But it's a chaotic and stressful environment and there seems to be more going on than the staff keeps up with ..

Case in point, on Tuesday, I think, Bean had a poop accident. When I picked her up, I notived that her pants were different and asked what happened. I don't think the teacher really heard me, because her response was about the art that Bean hung on the wall and the ice cream cone she made with construction paper and cotton balls. Then I got distracted with the art and left and it was an hour or so later that Bean told me what happened.

So a ziploc with poop percolated in a cubby until the next day - I've never been gladder that I buy $2 Target pants and $5 Goodwill dresses for my kids, because that ziploc of joy went straight in the trash.

Later in the week, Bean informed me: "I had another accident today and flushed my panties down the toilet." Points to her for creative problem-solving; she wanted to destroy the evidence and there was no garbage can in the bathroom.

So she had to go potty, and then either:
take off pants and shoes,
flush the panties,
pull up her pants (and possibly put shoes back on),
go retrieve new panties,
go back to the potty,
take off pants (and maybe shoes) again,
put new panties on,
get dressed and rejoin the group

OR she had to shuffle out with pants around her ankles and retrieve the panties, then strip down, put the news ones on, and get redressed. The stealthiest she could have been would have gone mnore like: pull up the soiled panties, come out, retrieve new panties from a ziploc in her cubby, then go back in the bathroom and strip down and change panties.

I broke it all out like that because: how the eff did someone not notice this and tell me about it? It's frustrating as hell for me ... Having kids in full time care is hard enough. Not feeling great about where they're getting that care really sucks.
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I rested my eyes now and then, that's all.

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I totally zonked out with the girls last night. I fully intended to get up after they fell asleep, but as O was nodding off, I thought 'screw it' and went to sleep.

The girls got about 10 hours' sleep, and I was up an hour earlier, so hopefully we're all recharged sufficiently for another day at the grind. Since Bean doesn't nap, her nighttime sleep is precious. Miss O usually naps well during the day, so she's not quite as exhausted as Bean is when the lights go out. The Big Girl is usually out cold within 5-10 minutes, while Little One still takes about 30 minutes to settle down and fall asleep.

I'm in the market for a new school for Miss O. The near-daily coronary event I have sitting in traffic on Mopac is just not good ... and - honestly? - I'm not a big fan of Montessori. Bean summed it up as "just boring work all day", and she's not that far off. I'm more interested in Miss O having fun than I am in her moving beans from one bowl to another with tweezers, yanno? That's a little bit of hyperbole, but it just totally goes against who I am as a parent, so I want her somewhere with play-based learning again.

I could drop her off earlier, I know, but the before and after programs at that school really don't offer much. In the mornings when I've dropped off before 9, the kids are all just sitting around the lunch area, not playing, not doing anything. They have active programs from 9-11-ish, but then it's lunch, then nap time and after that it's play outside (weather permitting time). That's a lot of money a month for essentially 2 hours a day of moving beans around. I also can't, in good conscience, just drop her there at 7:30-8:00 to sit around for an hour.

Does anyone have any schools they've heard good things about in central or North Austin?
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I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.

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Thanks for the comments here and on Facebook ...

It's so hard to make these kinds of choices on your kid's behalf.

I never really felt "right" about Bean's current school, but I chalked that up to me being antsy about my kids being at the same school that Dave's GF's kids go to, and the associated weirdness therein. But when I went with this school it was the lesser of the evils; none of the five we saw really dinged my bells on every level. One came close, but I had real concerns about my kids' safety there. And the assistant director talked a good talk about being prepared to handle Bean's needs and physicality.

A friend suggested a "normal" preschool we'll probably put on the short list, but I'm really inclined to just find Bean a "special" preschool where I can relax and not wait for that call every day. (I use these words with air quotes because, 1, what is "normal" and 2, I'm too lazy to type out all the PC, ducky-and-bunny wording for things.)

The "normal" school doesn't force naps, which would be huge, and has a lot of active, physical aspects that would be great for Bean. She needs both mental and physical stimulation, but I think she needs a bit more physical just to satisfy her body's needs.

I just want her to be a regular kid, not the oddball - and opting for a school that caters to the oddballs, well, then she'll have a chance to shine and be appreciated for who she is, not be metaphorically smacked down all day for just being who she is. Could this "normal" school provide her with a similar setup for success? Possibly; but having now run the course at two "normal" schools, I really want the reduced stress of her being somewhere her dad or I aren't going to get a call from every day because of her outlier behavior.

She deserves to be seen as a regular kid, because she is. She's just as "good" and "smart" and "nice" as all the other kids, she just has a different set of barriers to her showing all that. We all have our foibles and challenges; we all have things that make us different from others, that make us difficult to interact with on some level.

So wish us luck; it's so hard to schedule these visits and actually appear to be a valuable employee. But at least this boss seems to get that kids trump work sometimes, and has been very supportive so far. I just don't want to push my luck :(

(Quote from "The Prom")
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You can't go around hitting people. What, were you born in a barn?

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Well, we're in full-on "new school" search for Bean; she hasn't been kicked out, but they do want to cut her back to part-time at her current school. She simply will not nap, and they aren't staffed to accomodate one-on-one levels of care. I know it's not their job to cater to one child, but I also think they've put up barriers to Bean's success by not allowing her a lovey at nap time and by some of the word choices teachers have used with her.

Yesterday Dave again got the call to go pick her up; he got her and took her to his work, and I came and picked her up from him as soon as I could. Today, Dave missed a call and the message said "call me back", so he did and left a message - by the time they had things in hand, but the original intent of the call had been for him to pick her up.

There are two schools that we're most interested in: Sammy's House and The Emerson Academy. Both have indicated an ability to work with SPD kids, so we'll try to knock out visits to both this week.

It's so difficult for me to know my kid isn't happy at school; it totally alters my ability to give 100% at work, as I have to peel her off me in the morning, then get that sick feeling in my stomach once 1:00 or so rolls around, just waiting for the call to get her. Even if Dave picks her up and can keep her for the afternoon, I still have the guilt/anguish/resentment thing going on over all of it.

I get frustrated with Bean, but it's transient. In her heart, she wants to be a "good" kid. She's not doing this stuff just to be a turd. I get more frustrated with her school, but logically understand that they are not a private care facility - they have a bunch of other kids to look after and can't provide 1:1 care.

But they also do things like pretend to call her parents and then tell Bean (directly or indirectly), that we won't come get her unless she naps. When I was driving Bean home Monday, she was all upset saying "Miss Sarah said I didn't know her but I do!" Turns out Miss Sarah threatened to spank Bean, Bean said she wouldn't do it, and Miss Sarah said "you don't know me". Was that a verbatim play-by-play? Not sure, but that's the gist of it from Bean's perspective. When I told the assistant director, she basically dismissed it "that doesn't sound like Miss Sarah". Maybe not, but Bean didn't pull that "you don't know me" verbiage out of thin air - Miss Sarah said it to her. I just don't have exact context.

When Dave was picking her up one day last week, he also heard a teacher (the one that Bean says always talks to her in a mean voice) say to another child "Stop crying; you're four years old, you're too old to cry." Seriously? And she said that in front of a parent, so obviously she thought it was perfectly okay. Now, it's no Miss A from the last school, calling the kid a baby and having all the other kids stare at him when he cried, but it's not *that* far off.

So I don't want Miss O at this school, either. I do, however, either want her in a distinctly different class and area from where Bean is, or in her own school. Bean has become pretty mean, intermittently, to Miss O - she'll hit or kick her if O is bothering her, and hit her in the mouth the other day, hard enough to cut O's lip against her teeth. Bean needs a break from O and, more importantly, O needs a break from Bean.

But even that stuff, I'm not sure how much she intends as mean behavior and how much is just reactive and almost out of her control. I seriously hadn't driven a mile from their school this evening and Bean had already kicked O a few times, been hollered at, and dissolved into self-loathing sobs of "I'm the baddest kid ever! I'm bad 20-hundred. I'm a horrible big sister - I don't take care of my baby sister at all! Mommy doesn't love me!"

My life is such a melodrama sometimes. I feel terrible for Bean, but I sometimes lose my ability to sympathize with her because she can act so horribly toward people. Especially her sister and I.

When your morning starts with her kicking you and screaming at you, then waking her sister, at 5:00 ...

And then proceeds in a fashion you'd expect after a wake-up like that ...

Then you get the call that she is being disruptive at nap ...

Then you pick her up and she screams at you when she gets in the car because she can't have a cookie ...

Then she kicks her sister two or three times ...

It's hard to maintain any level of sympathy for her, and instead I feel the frustration and resentment rise. My reset button is pretty easy to find, and her heart is solid and pure, so we can reestablish good rapport pretty easily, but sometimes I lose sight of the fact that I want to be her advocate and her ally, and not just another one of her detractors.
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Oh my god, I think I'm gonna pee my pants!

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Sigh.

So Bean wore panties at Dave's Wed night, and did great. She asked to wear them here, and since she'd been waking up dry in pull-ups for awhile, and even using the potty in the a.m. instead of the pull-up, I was fine with it.

She did great overnight, but insisted this a.m. that she wasn't ready to pee in the potty. Y'all can probably guess where this is going: she waiting until the last minute and peed in her jammies/all over the bathroom floor.

I've taken the panty privilege away. I told her that if she could go a week dry overnight and using the potty as soon as she got out of bed, we could try again. Honestly, I don't care about night potty learning, since I don't want to get pissy (ha!) when she has accidents. I'd have been less cranky if she peed in the bed than I was about this, since this was just a case of her being bullheaded and wanting control. (The whole reason I hate anything to do w/ potty learning - I don't ever want to be in a power struggle over bodily functions.)

Is that approach too harsh?

She had tons of reasons for the accident: "at daddy's house the potty is closer" (not true), "I didn't know I had to go" (I asked her three times prior to use the body). Then the more Bean-like reason of "when I wake up in the morning my skin wakes up first, then my muscles. My bones wake up last and my bones didn't know I had to go pee." Bones or muscles, all I know is I was mopping up pee before even my second sip of coffee and I was one. cranky. mommy.

I'm a little stressed, as I start full-time work Monday. Yes, you read that right. I had a first interview Tuesday, a second Wednesday, and a job offer before I got home. I've been hired as a Communications Manager over at AMD - the team is great, the job is perfect and has the potential to become a real career and it's all right up my alley. The commute is the only downfall, but for better pay and better working environment, it's a small negative. I need to get a bluetooth setup for the car so I can spend the commute yapping away.

I'm worried about the girls going back to full-time care, especially because when I talked to the director yesterday, she seemed apprehensive/uncertain about Bean being there full-time. I'm still not very happy with their school, and just don't get that good a feeling from most of the folks there. It also feels like the director marginalizes me - like I'm not a real factor/decision-maker. Every time Dave sends an email w/ me on copy, she replies to him only.

I know, I know - but I'm working against time and against the huge obstacle of this being where the new girlfriend's kid goes, so it feels like any concerns I raise fall on deaf ears. I'm sure part of it is the assumption that I'm against it for petty reasons. And, truth be told, I was against this school from the beginning because her daughter goes there. But when we looked at schools, this was the only one I liked AND felt was safe. There was a school I liked way better, but where safety was questionable at best. Like I don't know how they pass inspection.

Anywho, I'm worried about Bean being full-time, I'm worried about juggling everything again, and I'm worried about the job and new people. It really shows promise, but it's always nerve-wracking, for me at least, to start a new job. The shyness and self-doubt percolate around and churn in my stomach.

I think Miss O will be fine with being full-time. But Bean ... I'm trying to keep my doubts inside, since I don't want to inadvertently add them to her own burdens. But yeah, I'm worried about her.

Her OT is going well, but for her sensory issues, I think she'd be better going 2X a week. Hopefully I can get a feel for things at work soon, and between Dave and I, we can each cover a day so she can get in two visits a week. There's only so much of that stimulating environment that I can create at home. I do have a sit-n-spin, a wobble board, a rocking chair and a bean bag for her, and she can jump on the bed and climb on furniture at will, but it's making/finding the time to really engage her in all that and stay on top of things. I mean, hell, I have to blog and drink coffee.



(Quote from "All The Way")
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Flag down on that play, babe

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What a weekend. I did get to watch a little football, unfortunately no Packers or Vikings today, tho I did see some highlights. Much love for Donald Driver, my favoritest receiver, for breaking a team record on receptions AND making a crazy-ass one handed, totally interfered with, catch.

Had a great meeting with Dave about what to do first with Bean; he's taking point on calling the handful of preschools we agreed on, and trying to set up a few asap visits for us to go tour them and see what their philosophies are. Getting her into a new school, and transferring Miss O there as well, is priority number one. The therapies are important too, but my folks can only help out with childcare this week, so we've got to visit 3-5 of the schools we like and make a decision fast.

No pressure, right? Sigh.

So wish us luck finding a good fit for her, and a place that Miss O will adjust to well.

There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities ...

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Le sigh.

And an extra le sigh.

Bean got the boot from preschool today. Okay, not 'the boot', but they asked us to take a break and not bring her back until January. Which for working parents pretty much means 'the boot', as now we'll have to start her in a new preschool, pay all their enrollment and start-up fees, and get her acclimated there. At which point, it's not like we'll want to yank her two months later to go back to her now-former school.

I'll give them credit for holding on this long, and doing everything they could. But Bean's incident reports were piling up, and two sets of parents have now come in to say their kids are specifically afraid of Bean and don't want to come to school anymore.

There are more, sordid details that I've bored most of y'all with on the phone already and I just don't feel like putting all out there, but Bean is seen as an aggressive and vociferously independent kid that they've exhausted their ideas and solutions on. And I'm not saying that in any sort of condemning way toward them; I'd feel the same way in their shoes.

But I'm not in their shoes; I'm her "mama". The person who loves her beyond reason and is heartbroken that she's struggling so much, that she carries so many burdens around and lashes out so strongly at times. I'm the one who sees everything she is, and knows it's just rock solid good at it's core. I'm the one who can (and does) overlook the flaws and doesn't have to worry about managing a classroom - I get to set her up for success and help her navigate her feelings before they're meltdowns.

And while most everyone who knows her has been treated to an Epic freakout at one point or another, they don't see her as an aggressive kid or a mean kid. Unfortunately, that's not the impression she was making at her school.

I'm not sure what's right for her now, but I'll obviously be spending a good chunk of my weekend trying to figure out the next move. Is a Montessori approach better? A nanny? An in-home daycare? Nanny and in-home worry me that they won't be stimulating enough; another school setting worries me that once the novelty wears off, she'll have similar issues there.

And, much as I hate saying it, I worry that the aggression she's displayed won't be "fixed" by moving her to another school setting. I don't know if a more individualized setting, like a nanny or in-home care would be better able to help her succeed and learn to manage her feelings ... She needs to see a psychologist for sure, and likely an occupational therapist, as her sensory issues play a role in this.

My poor kid. I think some of this would have happened even without the divorce, but it certainly didn't make her life any easier. She wants her "family" together so badly; any group of objects she has, she makes a family. Plastic horses, Ponies, crayons, rocks .... it's heartbreaking to see her name off "this is the daddy, this is the mommy, and this is me and this is Miss O", and to hear her almost-daily mantra "I want all of my family in the same house" or some variation on that.

Divorce sucks. Especially for kids.
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When I want a lot of medical jargon I'll talk to a doctor.

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How did you start your Wednesday morning?

Watching a video of an angioplasty? No?

Bean's bedtime book on Tuesday was Essentials of Human Anatomy & Physiology. In it, an illustration of an artery with plaque deposits began a whole journey down the rabbit hole of junk food, cholesterol and coronary artery disease, which led, naturally, to the coolness that is a balloon in the artery. Hey, she was a little spooked by stuff building up in her blood vessels, so it was great to be able to save the day with a balloon :) I was a little foggy on *how* angioplasty worked (where the catheter went in, etc), so I promised her a video in the morning. Then passed out cold with them as I laid down with them. After 4-5 days of me staying up until midnite-ish and them getting up at 5-ish, my body had *had* it.

Next morning, after telling me Handy Manny was boring and asking if we could watch football (god love her), we watched the angioplasty video. It was a CGI one, so no blood, but she was fascinated. Especially with the "little cage" (you know it as a stent). Her description later was a little bogged down with confusion between a plaque occlusion and how T-cells and viruses work (there was an image of a T-cell being attacked by the AIDs virus in her anatomy book, but I kind of glossed over all that, as she already knows how easily viruses are transmitted, and didn't want to hit her with killer viruses as well), but in her defnse, she's got the T-cells and virus in place of the plaque, and they all look pretty darn similar.

She was all excited to tell Miss Kate and Maria about the video, but I essentially had to drag her into her classroom. And she wouldn't breathe a word of it to the teachers there. That's pretty typical of every dropoff - I have to drag her in there and she clams up when Miss J asks her a question or tries to engage her.

I've talked to Bean, and she doesn't say anything bad about the teachers in her class, just that she's scared to go there. I've even, reluctantly, asked the sort of leading questions I try to avoid like "Do you like Miss K and Miss J? Are they nice to you?" She has said she likes Miss Kate's class better, but only says it's because she has more stuff and her class is only half a day. I've explained that half days aren't an option, and that stuff isn't important, people are.

She's been lamenting about wanting her mommy and daddy back together again, as well. Every. Single. Picture. this week has been her "whole family", with Dave and I side by side. But we did talk a bit about how mommy and daddy will never get married again, so even though it's sad for her, and probably will be for a while, she can't focus on that aspect. She actually said to me the other day: "I'm sad that you and daddy won't ever be married again, but I know that it will never happen, so I'm not too sad about it." I'm glad she can articulate that - I don't ever want to invalidate her feelings, but something like that, I think it's important that she *know* it just will not happen, so she isn't harboring any hope. She can be sad; hell, there are still aspects about it that make me sad (most notably that it's still hard for her). But I don't want her thinking that Dave and I will ever remarry.

The kid's just too damn smart for her own good sometimes.
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You've got a nice set-up here. But you made one mistake.

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Does anyone remember that old Dilbert cartoon where the boss writes a 'letter of recommendation' that says stuff like: "For a man of his hygiene, he doesn't steal as much as you think."

It's funny, but it's also reflective of the way some people characterize others.

It's what I think of every time I pick Bean up from school - even if she had a rock star day, they're going to find something to pick at. I've dealt with people like that on off through life; it's usually done in a less blatant way, but y'all get the drift.

I picked Bean up yesterday and she had a great day. She sat quietly for a freakin' hour with *nothing to do* and then the let her color. While she was coloring, she scribbled a little on the floor. And that was what the teacher made her show me. No: "I think it's just awesome that she was able to sit quietly for that whole MF hour" just: "yeah, she had a good day and complied with our ridiculous requirement that she sit quiet and do nothing for an hour, but look at this. You need to talk to her about that."

And the making her show me. Not just saying "she drew on the floor a little"and letting me talk to her, a big "we respect school property and you need to talk to her at home about this." No. I don't. What I chose to discipline and talk about at home isn't up to them. And frankly, I didn't and wouldn't say a damn thing to her about that. She's bored out of her freakin' skull for that two hour 'quiet time' - don't set her up to fail.

Ditto Thursday - great day, but she was using rocks to "draw" in the dirt and graduated to using the rock to 'draw' on the wrought-iron gate. And that flicker of "bad" was what they chose to focus on.

I don't get that. Now, I'll be the first to admit that if I form a negative opinion of someone in our first meeting, that negative perception holds. But I don't think I do that 'single out the one or two "bad" things, let it eclipse all the other good stuff that happened' thing.

In talking to folks, though, that just seems to be the way things go- you can do all sorts of great work all day, but forget the cream for someone's coffee and that's the sum total of your day. I've dealt with it as a grownup, and find it such a challenge to accept that people do this. That they'd rather comment on minor flaws than focus on the whole.

To me, that kind of focus is bass-ackwards; but it's pervasive. Do I teach her that it's bass-ackwards, or do I teach her it's the way it is and how to function within it? If *I* functioned like that, every day I had would suck, whether at work or at home. Everyone, grown-ups included, makes mistakes. Kids make a lot of 'mistakes', but these are less about error and more bout defining their place in the world. If all we focus on is the "bad choices" that kids make, and don't appreciate the whole, what are we really teaching them?
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Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball.

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Thanks, y'all, for your comments.

It's so hard to walk the line of advocacy vs. ... ... over protectiveness? over sensitivity? (over identification?) over reaction?

I don't want Bean to think that every time she encounters adversity or has a hard time with authority that it's okay to do her own thing without regard for others or that mommy (or daddy) will intervene on her behalf at the slightest sign of discord. But I also want her to know that I'm her advocate; that I think she's (to borrow a phrase of Kelly's that I love) pure magic; that I don't expect her to surrender who she is and what she wants to do simply because it's easier for her teachers (now or in the future) to try to force her to be like everyone else.

(Can you tell I was - probably still am - a bit of a rebel myself?)

I talked with the school Director a little yesterday a.m., mostly to get her input on brainstorming a solution. I dropped Bean off before, and she was resistant to going into her room, bypassing it entirely for the fab Miss Kate's room. Miss Kate was delighted to see her, and raved about how much she had enjoyed Bean's marching to her own drummer and that she missed her and wished she could have her in the class she teaches. If only. Miss Kate teaches their half-day program, and any hope I had of maybe sneaking Bean in there for the first half of the day faded when Kate said her M/W/F class is full.

She volunteered to let Bean stay with her so I could go talk to the Director, and Bean was thrilled.

My talk went well, but didn't really give me much more to go on/work with than what Bean and I had already discussed.

I talked with her teacher at the end of the day, and just got the same kind of "she needs to conform to our expectations" vibe. They insist that Bean has to lay quiet and still for an hour *without* reading or doing anything. If she can do that, then she can read. I still think that's unreasonable. For whatever reason, she won't nap in there unless she's exhausted (she napped yesterday after the 5:30 wake up) and asking her to just lay there, doing nothing, for an hour seems like a recipe for disaster.

Her teachers and I aren't going to see eye to eye on this one, I don't think. To me it just feels like they're doing this "because I said so" approach. But I'm reading one of my "your kid isn't just a pain in the rear for funsies, she might be gifted" books and it's telling me that I should be deferring to authority as an example ... I wasn't having as hard a time with it in her last class, because their approach was more "how can we adapt to her?" not this "she must adapt to us" mentality.

The teacher keeps throwing "well, when she's in kindy" out; the Director, however, told me flat-out that's not cool - Bean's 4 and it's September - if it was April or May, she'd be more accepting of the "getting them ready for kindy" mindset. So my internal resistance to that at least sees validation there ...

And her teacher told me she said to Bean "well, if you do that you won't be allowed to go to kindy" because Bean's always talking about how she wants to go to kindy, and how she needs to concentrate and learn so she's ready. It's not horrible, I know, but it still rubs me wrong that she says that to Bean.

The teacher also said "she's kicking us when we lay across her to hold her down" ... wha, wha, what?? Like I said, I get that Bean running around is bad, but this ain't the solution ...

Man, this is so hard. I'm fighting my own innate "f*ck authority" streak (I'm the girl who brings home a hand towel from every hotel just because I can and because I'm not supposed to), my defensiveness of my kiddo, my hatred for the whole "system" that by virtue of necessity, I guess, disadvantages kids that are outside the Bell curve. And with all of that the knowledge that I've got to somehow *not* teach her to resist authority any more than she already does or to reel just for rebellion's sake. You're right, Vivian and Julia, that there will always be a system. either she nor I have to like it, but we both need to operate within it.

Even if I happen think a world run by Bean would be way better than the world she's got to fit herself into.
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This is a time of celebration: so sit still and be quiet.

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What's that Bean? You want to get up at 5:30? You don't think it's a little ... no? Oh. Are you sure? Okay. Sorry, my brain's not processing things yet ... it's a little ... Yes. I'd love to play Ponies at 5:30 before I've had coffee. Love to.

At least Miss O is still asleep. But Bean's gonna be one tired, nap-refusing kiddo today.

I got the whole "she's smart enough to know that we can't discipline her here, so discipline has to come from home" lecture today. Because they refuse to give ground on their "Bean needs to lay quietly for two hours if she's not going to nap" instead of finding a creative solution. Is it just me, or is it entirely unreasonable to expect her to lay still for two hours? (Kels, I know your telling me how one of yours would get in trouble for this kind of stuff is one of the things that scared me about school ...)

I just think it's nuts for them to be mad at her for not being able to sit still for two hours. I don't know any grown ups who could do that, without fail, day in and day out. So when she gets tired of being shushed and laying there reading quietly, she snaps and scampers around the room, disturbing the other kids. *I get that that part sucks and needs to not happen* - what I don't get is why I'm expected to discipline her after they set her up for failure. I'm not. I'll talk to her about how she needs to sit and read quietly, but I'm not going to discipline her (and god knows what they want me to do hours after the fact anyways) for an expectation that seems completely unreasonable to me.

Am I wrong? Is it more important that they keep pounding her square peg self into that round hole? Am I setting her up for even greater struggles in kindy if she doesn't just do what they expect of her, whether it's reasonable or not?
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