Oh my god, I think I'm gonna pee my pants!

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Sigh.

So Bean wore panties at Dave's Wed night, and did great. She asked to wear them here, and since she'd been waking up dry in pull-ups for awhile, and even using the potty in the a.m. instead of the pull-up, I was fine with it.

She did great overnight, but insisted this a.m. that she wasn't ready to pee in the potty. Y'all can probably guess where this is going: she waiting until the last minute and peed in her jammies/all over the bathroom floor.

I've taken the panty privilege away. I told her that if she could go a week dry overnight and using the potty as soon as she got out of bed, we could try again. Honestly, I don't care about night potty learning, since I don't want to get pissy (ha!) when she has accidents. I'd have been less cranky if she peed in the bed than I was about this, since this was just a case of her being bullheaded and wanting control. (The whole reason I hate anything to do w/ potty learning - I don't ever want to be in a power struggle over bodily functions.)

Is that approach too harsh?

She had tons of reasons for the accident: "at daddy's house the potty is closer" (not true), "I didn't know I had to go" (I asked her three times prior to use the body). Then the more Bean-like reason of "when I wake up in the morning my skin wakes up first, then my muscles. My bones wake up last and my bones didn't know I had to go pee." Bones or muscles, all I know is I was mopping up pee before even my second sip of coffee and I was one. cranky. mommy.

I'm a little stressed, as I start full-time work Monday. Yes, you read that right. I had a first interview Tuesday, a second Wednesday, and a job offer before I got home. I've been hired as a Communications Manager over at AMD - the team is great, the job is perfect and has the potential to become a real career and it's all right up my alley. The commute is the only downfall, but for better pay and better working environment, it's a small negative. I need to get a bluetooth setup for the car so I can spend the commute yapping away.

I'm worried about the girls going back to full-time care, especially because when I talked to the director yesterday, she seemed apprehensive/uncertain about Bean being there full-time. I'm still not very happy with their school, and just don't get that good a feeling from most of the folks there. It also feels like the director marginalizes me - like I'm not a real factor/decision-maker. Every time Dave sends an email w/ me on copy, she replies to him only.

I know, I know - but I'm working against time and against the huge obstacle of this being where the new girlfriend's kid goes, so it feels like any concerns I raise fall on deaf ears. I'm sure part of it is the assumption that I'm against it for petty reasons. And, truth be told, I was against this school from the beginning because her daughter goes there. But when we looked at schools, this was the only one I liked AND felt was safe. There was a school I liked way better, but where safety was questionable at best. Like I don't know how they pass inspection.

Anywho, I'm worried about Bean being full-time, I'm worried about juggling everything again, and I'm worried about the job and new people. It really shows promise, but it's always nerve-wracking, for me at least, to start a new job. The shyness and self-doubt percolate around and churn in my stomach.

I think Miss O will be fine with being full-time. But Bean ... I'm trying to keep my doubts inside, since I don't want to inadvertently add them to her own burdens. But yeah, I'm worried about her.

Her OT is going well, but for her sensory issues, I think she'd be better going 2X a week. Hopefully I can get a feel for things at work soon, and between Dave and I, we can each cover a day so she can get in two visits a week. There's only so much of that stimulating environment that I can create at home. I do have a sit-n-spin, a wobble board, a rocking chair and a bean bag for her, and she can jump on the bed and climb on furniture at will, but it's making/finding the time to really engage her in all that and stay on top of things. I mean, hell, I have to blog and drink coffee.



(Quote from "All The Way")
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