It's a new beginning - you thought you lost, but honey you won

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Just a little happy, along the way.

Sometimes the shit life gives us ends up improving the hell out of our gardens. Don't ever forget that :)

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Do you know the muffin chick?

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It's funny; I used to always have my blog set to the WYSIWYG editor, but lately I've been firing it up using the HTML editor. Technically, the Blogger interface should be called the "kinda-sorta-html-editor", as you don't have to format text or paragraphs or anything, but it's the HTML editor. And I sound damn cool saying I'm using the HTML editor. (My mom is still trying to figure out what I'm talking about ... it's cool, mom, just skip to paragraph four.)

At my job, a switch from sending Outlook-based emails to sending them via an email marketing service means that I've had to gradually learn basic HTML coding. And I'm starting to realize that I'm more comfortable producing documents in HTML and doing most of my own coding, than I am trying to make the email marketing interface do what I want. So I created templates in Sharepoint Designer (the software formerly known as FrontPage), since that lets you switch between the WYSIWYG and HTML editing seamlessly, and then I tweak all the coding I need daily.

It's cool, because, really? Who doesn't want to know a bit more about how things work? And when you're a closet control freak like I am, well, that extra degree of "ha! I am the lord of all I survey! Or, at least all that I survey and know how to do!" is just icing on the cake.

And that's how I lost my virginity.

See what I did there? I told my mom to skip to paragraph four and ... nevermind. It was funny as hell to me.

So I'm on post three out of the five I should have done by now for NaBloPoMo, but I think that's officially two more posts than I did in all of October, so go me. I have banana chocolate chip muffins hot from the oven, Parmesan bread rising in the bread maker and my windows wide open, so it must be fall in Texas. I also have all of the accompanying detritus in the sink, and I am not at all looking forward to cleaning up after myself.

But I will share my muffin recipe :) I've kinda bastardized a couple recipes and used spelt flour in place of regular flour.

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Preheat oven to 350*

Wet ingredients
3 Tablespoons butter
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
3/4 cup mashed banana
1/2 cup
1 teaspoon vanilla

Dry ingredients
2 cups spelt flour
3 teaspoons baking power
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 - 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips

(You can do a cup of banana and 1/4 cup of milk, if you want. I just use whatever bananas I have and beat the crap out of them with the mixer, then use milk to reach 1 1/4 cups of banana + milk.) Cream the butter and sugar with a mixer. Add eggs and mix well. Add the already mixed up bananas (I did them first and measured so I knew how much milk to use) and the milk and mix it all until smooth.

Put the flour, baking power and salt in a bowl, and make a little well in the middle. Pour the liquid in and, using a spatula or big old spoon, fold, rather than stin, everything together. Mix thoroughly, but no longer than necessary, and then fold in the chips.

Spoon into greased muffin pan, bake at 350 degrees for 18-25 minutes. Makes 8-12 muffins, depending on how much you fill the cups in the pan :) Eat them right out of the oven for best results; you can also cool and freeze.

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Howdy, y'all

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Happy NaBloPoMo!

For the less-bloggy, it's National Blog Posting Month, where bloggers commit to posting daily for the month. I've been slacking so badly on my blog, I'll give it a whirl to see if it kicks my butt back into posting more regularly.

I'm trying to reconcile it being November first with having to still run the air conditioning. I so miss North Carolina in the fall ... windows open, maybe even running the heat in November ...

But I'm a Texas girl. Well, at least until I can move to Alaska.



Sigh.

After a bumpy start to Kindergarten, Bean has been settling in really well. She's reading like crazy, and her teacher even assigned her another child to mentor. Since I've always likened Bean to a Border Collie (as in, she does better with a job, and gets in trouble when she's not challenged and busy), so I'm happy to see her teacher harnessing some of that energy for good instead of evil.

Speaking of evil, here's my favorite exchange she and I had on Halloween:

Bean: "Mommy, why is everyone dressed like a princess?"
Me: "Because they like princesses. Why are you dressed like a witch?"
Bean: "Because I like evil."

Miss O is just a little pistol. She's alternately sweet, funny and temperamental. She's doing fabulously in the new preschool she started in August, and 97% of the time she's a delight to be around. But since she's in the middle of the "Terrible Twos - Terrible-er Threes - F'ing Fours" cycle, the 3% of the time when she's *not* a delight to be around can make a mommy long for a Valium drip.

But if anyone thought Bean had the lock on saying stuff that makes you laugh out loud, Miss O is officially giving notice that she's giving her big sister a run for her money. As evidenced by the following exchange between them:

O: "Mama, how do you spell horses?"
Bean: "h-o-r-s-e-s"
O: (pauses a beat)"Are you the mama? No. Mommy is the mama"

Oh yes. Yes she did.

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

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In today's installment of "everything's bigger in texas", the Texas Spiny Lizard:



The one I encountered this afternoon moved too quickly for me to get a pic before he was a good 10-15 feet up the free, but he (or she) was really cool! I hope I see it again; the girls were excited about the juvenile anole that we found on the deck - a 6-inch spiny lizard will make their day.

Of course, I probably won't see it when the kidlets are around.

So I went to PetSmart today (there were some awful cute kittens there, if anyone around the 1890 Ranch Petsmart is looking for a friend .. ) intending to get a full aquarium setup. But really, I want to deal with all of that like I want a hole in the head. It also just didn't compute to spend like $3-400 on an aquarium setup + stand for a fish that'll cost like $2 to replace.

So, here are Isabel the Betta's new digs:



It's a positively pink palace, fit for a male fish that likes to kill it's rivals. I think if Isabel the fish had any inkling of what a puss we were turning him into, he'd just go belly-up. At least he entertains the only other boy in the house:


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Is this Bizarro World?

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Still feeling crappy unless I load up on OTC meds, no x-ray results and my left ear is full of fluid or whatevah it is that infected ears fill with. I swear, if my ear would drain, I would at least feel a little more human ...

Since an empty fridge waits for no woman, yesterday I made a grocery run. I needed to print out my last 6 online class lessons, too, so I chose SuperTarget, as it's right next to Office Max. I hate printing tons of stuff at home, since a new laser cartridge is so damn expensive. I've printed all my class stuff at FedEx/Kinkos (you can send them print jobs online) until now, but since they make you wait for the stuff, I figured I'd give Office Max a whirl. Walked in, handed them the USB key, and walked out 10 minutes later with everything printed and 3-hole-punched. I'll be a highlighting fool in a little while, as I am way behind on my classes.

At SuperTarget, I made a spin through the toy department just to see if there was anything cool on clearance, and had the bizarro-world experience of running into Bean shopping with Dave and Miss O. Contrary to popular belief, the world did *not* spin off it's axis with the two of us in one place ... at least I don't think it did, but I've got this middle ear thing kind of screwing with my balance ...

Bean was excited to see me, and told me she wanted to come with me as she was "tired of being around boys". I reminded her that Miss O was there, too, and that she missed her daddy when she wasn't with him. Her response? "Not that much." Ouch. I spent a few minutes with her while Dave and Miss O stayed away (O would have been very unhappy to have me leave if she saw me), and then convinced her to go back to Dave. The rest of the experience was punctuated by texting back and forth about where we were in the store and ended with me sending "I'm out" when I left. My life is just weird sometimes.

I swear, I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow and ask if I have swine flu. I can't shake the cough and I'm still running fevers on and off. If those jerks would ever call me about my chest x-ray at least I'd know what *isn't* wrong. Grrr ...
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Something wrong? You stopped yammering.

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I'm here.

Cranky, ornery and pissy. But here. Not sure I'll be able to say the same for either of the girls by this time next week.

I was joking around with Bean the other day and asked her if she wanted to trade O in for a puppy. I really thought she'd say no, but her reply was an enthusiastic "yes!" I said "maybe I'll trade you instead" and she got all sorts of upset. So we went through a big long talk about how I was just joking around about all of it, and thought she was too, that I'd never trade either of them for a puppy, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I sometimes forget that she doesn't savvy as much as the rest of us, ya know? I had to show her that dye and die were two different words the other day after I told her I was going to dye my hair. She was horrified that I was going to "die" it, as she likes my hair. Thus began a big long talk about words that sound the same, but are spelled differently and mean different things.

Still job hunting, still way sleep deprived and now feeling the effects of being Zyrtec-less, because I think it makes me a little nutty. So I have the 'very high' pollen levels eating into my tiny little brain, and congesting the heck out of me, leaving me feeling like death warmed over by mid-afternoon. That's about when my patience runs out, my over-tiredness sets in and a day's worth of pollen does the Desperation Samba on my mucous membranes, all aligning in what I mentally refer to as the Trifecta of Impending Doom. A long, hot bath and a solid nights' sleep could take the Trifecta down a few pegs, but O's sleep has descended into suckfest levels, so O at home = sucktastic sleep for mommy.

And don't even think of telling me to go to bed earlier. The 2-3 hours I carve out for myself after the girls are "asleep" is the ONLY downtime I have in a day. So sometimes, yes, I crash and burn nice and early, but usually I'm yawning my way through a greedy "me time" grab and wishing the little ones would sleep past 5 a.m. just once. That would mean that my turning in at 9:30 wouldn't already have me missing at least an hour's worth of my much needed solid 8 hours.

Maybe I can trade myself in on a well-trained border collie ... hmmm ...
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One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.

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After making the rounds of my local blogger friends, I'm thanking the PTB that my skylight survived Wednesday's storm ... I know at least three folks who lost theirs. For as much hail as I thought I got here, there was much worse to be had.

I met my folks for dinner last night after we finally got done with O's appointment (Nothing like an hour + wait with your ex and your ornery as hell toddler. Fun.) Bean came running up to meet me as soon as I walked in the door at Chili's, told me she loved me and I was her best friend at least a zillion times, and if she could have burrowed under my skin that *might* have satisfied her need to be close to me. Might have.

I've said it before, but it's such a bipolar experience dealing with Bean. Not that she's bipolar, but the extremes in behavior and

I think I'm having my own midlife crisis. I've been having the worst car envy of late. I drive around wishing I could zap unsuspecting drivers out of their sweet rides, and zap myself into their cars. Sometimes I even imagine zapping the kids over with me. (Sometimes I just figure the unsuspecting drivers would be so excited to inherit a dinged-up minivan and two adorable children that they wouldn't press charges for my zapping.)

My minivan is totally practical and serviceable, but I want something that has some style and some oomph. Something that doesn't scream "mom!" Something that's sexy.


Mmmm ... And M is the key letter here. That's an M6. You wouldn't ever use that much car in the U.S., and, from my limited driving experience in the Mother Country, there's not much use for that much car on the other side of the pond, either. But that car definitely does NOT say mom. Or practical and serviceable. It probably says, to me at least, "For the love of Pete, please stop scraping my mirrors on your garage door opening!!" or "Ack! Could you for once not nail that 12-mile-deep pothole when you cut through that parking lot?!?" or "Look, stop letting the kids eat back here, 'kay? There's only so much sticky, crumby mess that I can take before I back over you in the next parking lot." But if I could afford that much car, it could say whatever it wanted to me as I made all those horsies cringe at my sometimes less-than-stellar attention to the cosmetic details.

You know something sad? Miss O whacked my keyboard at some point and imposed a filing system on my Thunderbird email inboxes that I cannot for the life of me undo. And it annoys the heck out of me that 1. it's there, and 2. my one-year-old is unwittingly more computer savvy than I am.
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You know me -- all about the good deeds

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A few linkies you might enjoy. I'm kind of scatterbrained today, and as I worked through my magazine backlog over the past few days, I found a bunch of stuff that made me say 'huh'.

Google lets you check on flu trends: http://www.google.org/flutrends/

Nifty settings for gmail: http://mail.google.com/mail/?hl=en#settings/labs - did you know you can use Google chat to send SMS texts? Or enable mail goggles, so you don't send drunken messages you later regret?

Download a NIN/Jane's Addiction EP here: http://www.ninja2009.com/

A moment of Zen from a former GOP senator re: Dick Cheney's asinine assertion that Barack Obama's administration has put America in danger



Definitely *not* a moment of Zen for those who are taking antidepressants: http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/02/antidepressants.html

"Antidepressant drugs, already known to cause sexual side effects, may also suppress the basic human emotions of love and romance."

Now, when it comes to treating depression versus not feeling sparky with someone, it's an obvious choice which one is more important; but it's something to keep in mind, especially when you're taking an SSRI and dating. And not feeling any spark.

Hmmm ...

I subscribe to The Week in print, which is where most of this came from - it's a great condensed version of the week's national and international press in one spot: http://www.theweek.com

For the condensed version of the alternative press, check out the Utne Reader: http://www.utne.com

I love both of these magazines, but I'm totally partial to reading the print versions. I just really like to kick it old school with reading - I want to hold the book or magazine or newspaper in my hands and be able to underline stuff or take notes or tear out pages. I really can't get into viewing stuff online as a preferred way of reading. I'm not alone, am I? Does anyone else still prefer the old way, or has everyone except me made the switch to online reading?
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Oh someone put a stake in me!

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Man, I am not getting enough sleep and at day's end I am totally wiped (physically) yet motivated (mentally) to get stuff done. I'm so looking forward to a few sleeping in mornings this weekend!

Bean had a rough day yesterday. She's so damn overtired, but couldn't get a nap in the morning, so there was all kinds of badness sprinkled thru my day. Her being overtired and ornery + me being overtired and cranky = me just wanting to go into my room, turn up some loud music and pretend I live alone. Or have someone stake me.

We were joined in the a.m. by a UT photojournalism student, who is working on a piece on divorced families. She had already spent a couple hours at Dave's last weekend getting shots of he and the girls, and wanted to spend a couple hours here when the girls were with me. Her project is only for her professor's eyes, so my original concerns about being overexposed were put to rest. She asked me a bit about the divorce and about post-divorce life, and I'm really curious as to how I came across.

(As an aside, if any local divorced moms/dads are interested in allowing her to photograph you and your kids, please, let me know. So far Dave and I are the only people she's been able to talk to and she asked that I let people know what she's doing and that she's looking to interview and photograph others. I asked her to send me a blurb that I could pass along to anyone who might be interested, so if you want to email me (it's in my profile), I can pass the blurb along to you, as well as her contact info.)

Anyways, the girl was here for about 2.5 hours, and boy did she get and eye- and ear-full of a day in the life of a divorced mom at home with her girls :) O dumped a whole bag of rice krispies on the playroom floor then she and Bean did a whole sensory experiment, alternating faces, hands and bare feet as they smashed and ate krispies. Sigh. Bean ran around like the "it's all about me!" crazy person that she can be, but did sit on my lap for a few stories.

Then we went outside, where O ate dirt and Bean showed off the listening skills of a 3-year-old.

At the end, Bean wanted to help the girl take her stuff out to the car, but when I asked her to just wait a minute until everything was packed up, she flipped. I walked her to her room as she called me stupid and, of course, indian. When I picked her up because she wasn't going, she started kicking and screaming. It kept escalating until I finally said "you're not helping, and you're staying in your room." I walked out and closed the door, and she serenaded us with her CPS-worthy screams and "I want someone to hold me!" pleas.

At this point, the girl asked if this was a pretty typical day, and I said yeah, pretty much. There's always a freak out (or 27), there's always tears, there's always meltdowns, there's always chaos. But, I continued, it's usually pretty easy to handle in a positive way because I know that Bean will calm down, and when she does, she'll respond to reason and to requests. I know she really does just need someone to hold her, help her find her happy place and just give her the attention she needs. I just refuse to do any of that when she's acting like a total turd.

Sure enough, before the girl left, Bean had mellowed considerably (it's tiring kicking your door and screaming at the top of your lungs, apparently), gave me a hug and came out of her room. She wanted nothing more to do with anything except me and I got some lunch and quiet time in her before we had to leave for physical therapy. And the rest of the day was pretty smooth, especially when compared the the pre-lunch freakout.

Mommy: You're such a sweet girl.
Bean: I'm not always a sweet girl.
Mommy: No, but you know what? Even when you're not, even when I'm angry with you for making bad choices, I still love you and you're still my best buddy.
Bean: Really?
Mommy: Really.

She's such a bipolar experience sometimes.

Miss O's VCUG is this afternoon at 2:00. Think good thoughts for her, 'kay?
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