Howdy, y'all

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Happy NaBloPoMo!

For the less-bloggy, it's National Blog Posting Month, where bloggers commit to posting daily for the month. I've been slacking so badly on my blog, I'll give it a whirl to see if it kicks my butt back into posting more regularly.

I'm trying to reconcile it being November first with having to still run the air conditioning. I so miss North Carolina in the fall ... windows open, maybe even running the heat in November ...

But I'm a Texas girl. Well, at least until I can move to Alaska.



Sigh.

After a bumpy start to Kindergarten, Bean has been settling in really well. She's reading like crazy, and her teacher even assigned her another child to mentor. Since I've always likened Bean to a Border Collie (as in, she does better with a job, and gets in trouble when she's not challenged and busy), so I'm happy to see her teacher harnessing some of that energy for good instead of evil.

Speaking of evil, here's my favorite exchange she and I had on Halloween:

Bean: "Mommy, why is everyone dressed like a princess?"
Me: "Because they like princesses. Why are you dressed like a witch?"
Bean: "Because I like evil."

Miss O is just a little pistol. She's alternately sweet, funny and temperamental. She's doing fabulously in the new preschool she started in August, and 97% of the time she's a delight to be around. But since she's in the middle of the "Terrible Twos - Terrible-er Threes - F'ing Fours" cycle, the 3% of the time when she's *not* a delight to be around can make a mommy long for a Valium drip.

But if anyone thought Bean had the lock on saying stuff that makes you laugh out loud, Miss O is officially giving notice that she's giving her big sister a run for her money. As evidenced by the following exchange between them:

O: "Mama, how do you spell horses?"
Bean: "h-o-r-s-e-s"
O: (pauses a beat)"Are you the mama? No. Mommy is the mama"

Oh yes. Yes she did.

Be the change you wish to see in the world - Ghandi

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There's so much going on these days, in my life and in the world. It's so easy to lose track of something like a blog; it's kind of a conceit (in the fanciful trifle sort of way, not the ego way, but blogs are kind of ego-driven, as well).

I'm struggling a lot with how unkind the world seems to have become. It's due in large part to the recent surge in suicides among young people who have been bullied. I don't understand how the world we live in has gotten so mean, so cruel. How kids are growing up today without any compassion or regard for how their actions affect others. I've cried and wanted to scream this week as I read story after story of children bullied to death.

What are parents doing wrong? Because make no doubt - this is on us, as parents, and on us as adults. As they watch "adults" speak with hate and intolerance toward others, our children learn that it's okay to belittle and berate people whose ideas and lifestyles you don't agree with. "Adults" show them that it's okay to disrespect the president because you don't like a black man in office, it's okay for religious leaders to condemn gays for the way they are born, it's okay for people to burn other peoples' religious books because you have some whack-job idea that their religion is from the devil ...

Why aren't parents - all parents - teaching their children kindness and compassion? That's something that spans all religions, all beliefs. Why isn't the message kids receive today, regardless of their faith or lack of faith, that people deserve compassion and a basic respect of their right to just *be*?

I've been laboring, daily, to underscore to my children that I don't care about perfection or grades - I care about love, kindness and compassion. And while I know those are qualities that still need work in me, I hope they still hear me.

The Dalai Lama said: "I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal, national and international - the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion." I believe this too. Can I count on you, my friends and family, to work toward a similar goal? Because if we don't all do something to turn the tide, I fear that one day the child whose life is lost will be one that hits much closer to home.

Encourage your children to love and laugh, to embrace one another. To cherish that which makes them different and nurture that which makes them the same. To have kindness and compassion in the hearts above all else. I'm so scared of the world that I see now - and I know that you are too. Let's change it, starting now.
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The first day back. It always gets me.

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How much do I suck at blogging?

I spend all day at work on the 'puter, and when I get home, it's just hard to motivate myself to typing up a blog post. It doesn't help that I'm starting to develop signs of carpal tunnel in my right hand again. I had brutal CTS when I was pregnant, in both wrists, so at least it's just the one side now. I'm sure steroid shots are in the near future, and possibly even the release surgery. So sitting and typing a blog entry at the end of the day, not tops on my list.

But it's a big week: Bean started Kindergarten! On Monday, my Big Girl stopped being a preschooler and became a Kindergartener.

For some folks, this is a huge deal because it's the first time their kiddos have been away for so long every day. For full-time working parents, it's not the same. We're already used to being away from our kids all day, so it's a change, but not a dramatic one. So while I watched/heard parents talk about crying, and being faklempt about Kindy, I went about my day pretty much normally.

Bean was pretty low-key about it all, but I keep forgetting that for *her* this is a big change. She's doing after-school at the new preschool that Miss O attends, and she rides the preschool bus from Kindy to the preschool. She loves that :)

On her first day, my good friend Julia hosted a potluck brunch at her place for all the new Kindy parents. I asked for the day off so I could join in. It was great to see everyone whose kids mine have grown up with and realize how far we've all come. We were all there with kid #2 in tow (I let O play hooky with me), and it was such a different playdate than a big kids playdate - much quieter and more low key.

I picked Bean up right off her bus at aftercare. Man, was *that* a rookie mistake. She threw a hairy sh*tfit of epic proportions. She wanted to stay and me, being the "worst mother in the WORLD", screwed those plans up. She creamed, she cried, she kicked, she ran away. "I hate you! I never want to see you!" It was awesome.

On the plus side, any lingering "oh, I wish I could still be a SAHM" thoughts were not only squashed, they were eviscerated.

Tuesday pickup was much the same, as I arrived right when they were starting a movie. Cue another epic hissy.

Tuesday night, I firmly explained to her that I was always going to be showing up and interrupting something - that she needed to accept that and deal with it. Wednesday, I showed up for pickup with a stunt double: grandma. Whether it was that or my talk, pickup was much better. Thank bast, because another hissy might have pushed me to the breaking point.

Thursday was all Dave, and he said it went well. Friday went well, too, so I'm hopeful that particular transition stress is over. Transition + Bean = difficult, but she's got to get a handle on how she reacts.

She's struggling a little with relationships in her after care; mostly with listening to her teacher and doing what she's told / not doing what she isn't. Her aftercare teacher is pretty firm with her, which I like, in a way. But Bean says she's getting madder at her more often. I can understand - it's incredibly frustrating to tell a 5 year old something and be ignored. Over. And over. So I'm working with Bean on the listening/compliance thing; but since something in *my* brain is hardwired to resist the "because it's what you do" reasoning, I'm thinking she may have some of the same genetics ...

Struggles aside, tho, she's just been amazing with all this. On Friday morning when Dave dropped her off, he asked: "So, we park and I walk you to class, right?" And Bean said "yeah... wait - I want to walk by myself. I need to do this." She admitted she was scared about it, but made herself do it. I'm so damn proud of her for that.

Later Friday afternoon, her teacher called to give a first week progress report. She said Bean was doing really well, and - here's the part where my heart grew two sizes - "Her outgoing personality has helped a lot of kids adjust; there isn't a kid she hasn't reached out to and made friends with."

Bean doesn't like the noise of the bells, or the auto-flush toilets, so her teacher lets her use headphones to block the sounds. Paired with Bean's fashion sense, she must look like all she's missing is a football helmet some days ...


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Alaska Day One: Anchorage --> Portage Glacier

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I'm not sure anyone really *cares* about the details, but I have like a thousand pictures and I've been missing Alaska something fierce, so y'all are stuck with a day-by-day series of posts. Actually, you're not stuck. The little x on the upper right (or left, for Mac users) corner can make it all go away :)

My first day in Alaska I drove southeast on the Seward Highway along Turnagin Arm. Along that route, I swear there's a trail or an observation area every 5 miles. I'm sure they do this in other parks, but there every park or maintained trail I found had a little box for you to just write down where you parked and put in $. To me, it kind of underscored the "you're on your own" aspect of the trip. It was both liberating and (a little) intimidating.

One thing I can't capture in film or video is the smell - it's a sweet, flowery smell. Of course it's not *everywhere*, but in the natural areas, you smell that more often than anything else. Even at the marshes and right by the water.

My main stops were Potter Marsh, Beluga Point, Portage Glacier and the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center.

I'm hoping this photo slide show plays well and does the area a small measure of justice. If you want to view the photos at your own pace, just click on the slide show and it should take you to the album.

Lu-Lu's Opera

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(All sung to a baby doll and two stuffed Bambis, unless otherwise noted. And we all thought Bean had the lock on unintentional comedy.)

I want my gramma and my grampa
Grampa is my favorite
Grampa is my favorite boy
I forgot my deer
I'll go get it, I'll be right back
Can I come with you?
No, you can stay right here, I'll be right back

(spoken)
Mama, I'm getting my baby deer
her name is Bambi

I found her

(resume opera)
I found it
neigh
neigh

Nice to meet you, nice to meet you.

Guys.
I love you horsies; I love you guys deers

My name is calypso and name is Ayssa
neigh-neigh (because all deer say neigh-neigh, apparently)

Are you pickin' on your nose guys?

Neigh! yes! We're just pickin' on our nose

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To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.

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(Title quote from John Muir)

I've been home for almost two weeks, and Bean's b-day got it's spotlight, so it's time for the rundown on my trip to Alaska.

I was off-duty July 4^th weekend, and had the 5^th off, so I decided to extend it a little on both sides and take myself on vacation. I had considered Wisconsin to visit family, and Florida to visit friends and my sister, but - much as I love my friends and family - the options just weren't dinging my bells.

I wanted to push myself to do something that scared me. Trekking around Alaska alone was the gutsiest thing I could think of to do as a solo trip. And I’ve wanted to visit the 49th state for a long, long time.

(Spoiler alert: I could *not* see Russia. From anywhere. Not from a back porch or from a mountaintop. I even tried with my spiffy new 75/300 zoom lens. No dice.)

Alaska has been calling my name for years. There’s just something about it that speaks to my soul; all that wide open space, all that natural beauty, all the wildlife … And it’s Alaska. One of the last truly great wild spaces on such an epic scale. Denali. Countless other mountains. Rivers and streams. Humpback whales. Black, brown and polar bears. Killer whales. Seals. Wolves. Bald eagles. Caribou. Moose.

I’m seriously wishing I was back there already.

I went without any real plan or itinerary, other than flying in and out of Anchorage and staying 4 nights in Anchorage, then driving down to Seward for a night before flying home. I reserved hotel rooms and a car, and winged the rest. And you know what? Traveling like that rules.

Actually, traveling solo kind of rules, too. Next time I go I’m bringing CD’s for the car, because there’s plenty of dead air as you drive around. But then you pick up some random station and listen to local public radio stories about Raven's Radio Hour, which I wish I had seen while there. And then that goes away and 20 minutes later you can indulge in some guilty pleasure sing-alongs with Journey and 38 Special (you know you know the words to both of those) as a staticky classic rock station penetrates the mountains all around you.

It's just an amazing place, and using Anchorage as a base was brilliant, if I do say so myself. There's just so much to explore within a 2-3 hour drive. In that time you can get to Seward or Talkeetna, on any of hundreds of trails and activities between them. You seriously can't drive more than 15-20 minutes heading toward either without somewhere to pull over and just walk in the woods.

I'll give y'all the day-by-day breakdown in the days to come. It's the most beautiful and amazing place; one I'll return to many, many times.

Happy Fifth Birthday Bean!!

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Sweets, we've gone through a lot together so far, and I wanted you to know what I know:

You have a heart as big as Texas
You make me laugh every. single. day.
You've changed me, for the better, in so many ways.
You're an amazing person.
You ask so many great questions about the world around you.
Your curiosity and inquisitiveness keep me on my toes.
You're sweet and loving and never hesitate to show it.

You are magical, amazing and I am so lucky to be your mommy.

Happy Birthday, Princess. I cannot *wait* to see what the next year brings.


One hour old


One year old


Two years old


Three years old


Four years old


Five years old