What can I say? I flunked the written.

.
Bean's very into writing these days. And drawing. She loves to create written words and art .. kind of like me. Only she's good at the art part; I doodle. I'm just not artistic; I can play music and I pick up languages easily, or at least I did in school, but artistic creations have just never been my forte.

Bean's art is kind of surreal. Her favorite shape is a heart, so that dominates her creations. But the other day, she drew a heart on her chalkboard, and proceeded to add lines to the top. She then turned to me and said "that's the aorta, and that's the vena cava."

Have I mentioned before that she loves science? Especially learning about the body. I got her a couple human body DVDs from Netflix and she loved 'em. And she's back into my college bio textbook, especially to fully 'get' the circulatory system.

She's been writing and spelling a lot more. And I love that she'll guess at how things are spelled based on what they sound like. She gets frustrated when I correct her, but it's not like she just says "c-h-u spells chew" she says "c-h-u spells chew, right mommy?" And I can't *lie* to her and tell her she's right. One, because I don't do that and two, because she has a "if mommy says it, it's absolutely true" mindset. So someone else correcting her later is in for a world of hurt; plus, I don't want everyone whoever that someone is thinking I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to spell.

So, while she does get frustrated, I try to couch it with "it's no big deal - you spelled it exactly the way it sounds. It's just that some words don't work that way." She doesn't take correction super well (What's that? It sounds like someone else you know? I thought we agreed we weren't talking smack about Dave anymore. Because I know you're not thinking of me ...), but when I explain that even grown ups make mistakes, it seems to help.

Here are some of the "books" she's written:








.

Birds need to fly, and girls need to use the toilet

.
Well, we're through week two of "regular" preschool for Bean and she's holding her own. Laying on her mat at naptime, no full-scale meltdowns, and she seems to be taking to heart that she needs to step up her own self-control. At least so far.

Is it perfect? No. Actually, I'm pretty underwhelmed by her experience there. She's got some academics going on, and brings home practice writing every day, which is better than the academic void she had been in. But it's a chaotic and stressful environment and there seems to be more going on than the staff keeps up with ..

Case in point, on Tuesday, I think, Bean had a poop accident. When I picked her up, I notived that her pants were different and asked what happened. I don't think the teacher really heard me, because her response was about the art that Bean hung on the wall and the ice cream cone she made with construction paper and cotton balls. Then I got distracted with the art and left and it was an hour or so later that Bean told me what happened.

So a ziploc with poop percolated in a cubby until the next day - I've never been gladder that I buy $2 Target pants and $5 Goodwill dresses for my kids, because that ziploc of joy went straight in the trash.

Later in the week, Bean informed me: "I had another accident today and flushed my panties down the toilet." Points to her for creative problem-solving; she wanted to destroy the evidence and there was no garbage can in the bathroom.

So she had to go potty, and then either:
take off pants and shoes,
flush the panties,
pull up her pants (and possibly put shoes back on),
go retrieve new panties,
go back to the potty,
take off pants (and maybe shoes) again,
put new panties on,
get dressed and rejoin the group

OR she had to shuffle out with pants around her ankles and retrieve the panties, then strip down, put the news ones on, and get redressed. The stealthiest she could have been would have gone mnore like: pull up the soiled panties, come out, retrieve new panties from a ziploc in her cubby, then go back in the bathroom and strip down and change panties.

I broke it all out like that because: how the eff did someone not notice this and tell me about it? It's frustrating as hell for me ... Having kids in full time care is hard enough. Not feeling great about where they're getting that care really sucks.
.

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

.
In today's installment of "everything's bigger in texas", the Texas Spiny Lizard:



The one I encountered this afternoon moved too quickly for me to get a pic before he was a good 10-15 feet up the free, but he (or she) was really cool! I hope I see it again; the girls were excited about the juvenile anole that we found on the deck - a 6-inch spiny lizard will make their day.

Of course, I probably won't see it when the kidlets are around.

So I went to PetSmart today (there were some awful cute kittens there, if anyone around the 1890 Ranch Petsmart is looking for a friend .. ) intending to get a full aquarium setup. But really, I want to deal with all of that like I want a hole in the head. It also just didn't compute to spend like $3-400 on an aquarium setup + stand for a fish that'll cost like $2 to replace.

So, here are Isabel the Betta's new digs:



It's a positively pink palace, fit for a male fish that likes to kill it's rivals. I think if Isabel the fish had any inkling of what a puss we were turning him into, he'd just go belly-up. At least he entertains the only other boy in the house:


.

That, and burning baby fish swimming all around your head

.
Well, it's my weekend off and, naturally, I'm fighting off a poopy feeling. I don't know if I'm sick or it's just allergies. Grass pollen is wicked high, so that could be it. In Austin, *something* is always triggering someone's allergies ... I guess that's the price we pay for living somewhere that otherwise knocks it out of the park.

The kids have been knocking it out of the park as well, on both sides of the behavior spectrum. Miss O treated her daycare teacher to a full-fledged 30-minute meltdown the other day ... Miss Sabrina was duly impressed. For those who have not witness an O tantrum, they are truly amazing to behold. After all, she's been honing her craft for years now ...



Sigh.

At least she hooks you up with considerable cuteness to balance it all out



It's Rainbow Collection ... do you like *that*?

Bean started at 'regular' preschool again on Tuesday. So far, so good, best I can tell. When I picked her up after the first day, she was outside trying to talk a kid off the swing she wanted, which is way better than throwing a hissy fit. I also heard that she laid quietly on her mat fro naptime, but they understand that may not always be the case :)

On her last day at her inclusive school, all the kids got fish, and Bean was allowed to take hers home. Meet the newest family member:



She named her fish ...

(wait for it)

Isabel. Shocker, I know.

I've gotta say, betta fish are actually kind of ... personable? I find myself talking to the fish, and it's always interested in what we're doing. I actually moved the fish bowl back to the bar in the kitchen so it wouldn't feel so alone; I had moved it to a niche because Max was drinking the water. And I'm actually going to go buy it a nicer tank and some other, betta-friendly, fish to hang with.

Yes. I need help. I'm down with that.
.

I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky.

.
I'm writing this with Deadliest Catch on in the background ... I have no idea why I'm hooked on this show (Mike Rowe), but I'll seriously watch it for hours on end. I'm glad that I'm on mommy duty for Memorial weekend, as the all-weekend-long Deadliest Catch marathon would otherwise hold me captive.

And I *heart* the Time Bandit crew.

Thanks for the encouragement about Bean's new labels. Don't get me wrong - I'm down with any ammo they provide us as we embark on the whole school journey. For that reason alone, I'd be willing to embrace ADHD. It's just the mood disorder part that bugs me. I just can't accept that one. Dave's more willing to take it at face value and use it as a tool - I'm more digging my heels in and in full denial that it's even possible.

I talked at length with Bean's former PT this week, and have talked extensively with her current OT, and neither thinks there's even the smallest possibility that Bean has a mood disorder. So that fuels my resistance as well ... I just don't want these labels to obscure other things - there's no guarantee the neurospych was right. There's a degree of subjectivity here and with so much overlap in this stuff it seems better to be resistant to something that doesn't sit right.

She's been doing great in so many ways; I've been talking to her a bit about how the school she's currently at (her last day is Friday) has teachers who are better able to help her learn the skills she needs and when she switches to Miss O's school in June, it's going to be more up to her to help herself. Ditto Kindergarten.

Is it okay to talk to her like that? I never know if the fact that she understands me means she can process it all without it weighing her down ... But her behavior has actually been improving since I started talking to her about how she is the only one who has control over her choices. I temper it with telling her every night how sweet, loving, funny, amazing and magical she is and how lucky I am to be her mom.

Because I really, really am.
.

For those of you who've just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.

.
If you ever want to freak out your boss, wear a dress and heels to your place of work when all they've ever seen you in is jeans. And then mention you have to leave early ... When I was getting dressed I knew there would be commentary; business casual means that dressing up is out of the norm. Poor guy was sleep-deprived from staying up for hockey playoffs and didn't get that I was joking about leaving early ...

So, the results are back from the neurologist and the neuropsychologist, and I'm just ... hell, I don't know what I am. I can see glimmers of Bean in the results, but the negatives are just too negative.

Neuropsych: ADHD and "mood disorder, not otherwise specified (NOS)".
Neurologist: basically just that she's a very smart kid

Now, if I had my druthers, I'd just go with the neurologist's diagnosis and put my fingers in my ears to "la-la-la" my way out of the neuropsych's diagnosis. Because, honestly, I don't want to hear that crap. And I truly don't believe that at her age it has a *ton* of validity ... I mean, yeah, we all have a little crazy that we lovingly nurture and show to the rest of the world from time to time. We're all a little tetched; it's what makes us interesting.

It's so hard to know what to accept, what to believe, what to challenge, what to throw out altogether ... and so much of the diagnostic criteria overlap. How do you know that a single assessment is valid? Just because someone's a professional, does that mean their four-hour view of your kiddo is accurate?

Going forward, there will be a psychologist and a month of 6-hours-a-week OT camp, as well as a switch back to a "regular" preschool, in the hope of better preparing her for Kindergarten. The psychologist thing has been a long time coming, I know. Between the time off work for OT, life in general, denial, hoping it will get better, pursuing diagnoses ... I've got a lot of good excuses. But no more - this summer begins the full-court press.

Wish us luck.
.

Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually, there's just the hard way

Oh. Hi.

Yes, I'm still alive .. it's been like 2 months since I posted, but I'm still here. Things got progressively busier at work as March wrapped up, and early April was insane. Then we all got the chicken pox and ...

What?

Yes, we *all* got the chicken pox. Turns out Miss O was exposed as a parting gift at her last daycare. Maybe 10 days later I got an email (I'm still on their distribution list) that there was a confirmed case of the pox, and within a couple days, she had 'em. Hers were mild, she had maybe 50 in total.

Dave and I kept her, and Bean, home for two weeks. At the very end, Bean finally started showing symptoms. And so did I. But it was no mild case for us - we both got hammered. Bean had probably 350 and I had more like 500+. It. Sucked. Naturally, Dave *and* my folks were out of town while Bean and I were sickest ... my parents did drive in from where they were RVing a couple times (they were only about an hour away), but still ...

I'm not sure I've been that sick in a looong time. Maybe when I was pregnant and had a kidney infection. But this was a couple days of a 104-ish temp, then a few more in the 102 range. And taking care of a sick kiddo, too. And a well one.

Had I done my reading when O was sick, and not just assumed I'd be fine, I would have seen that because chicken pox vaccination is so common, adult immunity isn't challenged as often, and actually wanes. I *could* have gotten vaccinated myself after O got sick, and that supposedly would have mitigated my illness.

But, we're all better now. Bean still has a few healing pox, I have a few more. I am *hoping* nothing I messed with on my face scars, but I had sooo many pox that it was impossible not to mess with some of them. I think I'll sign my kids up as pox-friendly babysitters when they get older, just to make sure their immunity os challenged! As for myself, I'm hoping that a second, full-on case will cover me for the rest of my life!
.