Can I make a suggestion that doesn’t involve violence? Or is this the wrong crowd?

I'm so far behind on personal emails, I really shouldn't be blogging ...

Bean's just in a bad place right now. Dave got another incident report, the nutshell being "she hit a kid, and when her teachers got her her away from the other kid, she 'came at' both teachers kicking, hitting and scratching."

It's just gut-wrenching to read that. I wish I could explain how it hurts my heart and just makes me feel like we've screwed her up on the grandest scale ...

She's been vocalizing a lot about the divorce, especially the mommy and daddy not being together part. The other night she (verbally) came at me with all kinds of questions and almost-accusations. Things like "I just want my mommy and daddy together" and including highlights like "why did you have to leave?" and "why didn't you want to live with daddy anymore?" The fact that I didn't bite my tongue *off* is amazing.

I did tell her, very firmly "mommy and daddy will never be together again, and you have to accept that and deal with it. I know it sucks for you, but it is never going to be the way it was."

We talked a bit more, and I reiterated, time and again, that mommy and daddy were both good people who just didn't want to live together anymore and didn't love each other anymore. That we still liked each other, as friends, but that was it.

Unfortunately, I think the whole "friends" thing, in a man-woman way, is a blurred thing for her because of how (poorly, IMO) the whole she-who-will-not-be-named sitch was handled; now Bean has all these nuances of 'friendship' she has to reconcile, and I don't think she really *can* reconcile them.

I called my old therapist tonight, and am going to get Bean into counseling. The 'aggressive/ violent' behavior, for lack of a better descriptor, really concerns me. It's like she's got all this hurt and anger she can't verbalize, so it comes out like this.

It's not my weekend, but I want so badly to just go scoop her up and hold her. To take her somewhere, just her and I, and somehow make everything okay for her. I'm sitting her typing and crying and feeling like an utter failure as a mom because my sweet girl has so much to deal with.


Julia said...

((hugs)) Kleenex? Like being 4 years old isn't hard enough... I think counseling is a fantastic idea. For one, do not blame yourself. Bean is grieving as a 4 year old would over the loss of her former family structure. By any chance, is her class talking about families? I know that C's class is right now.

Libby said...

I am sorry to hear about all of the tough stuff right now. It sounds so painful. Hugs.

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