I think it; I say it. It's my way.

Yesterday I picked Bean up at her dad's to take her to a friend's birthday party. Dave was supposed to take her, but O is sick and has a fever, so he asked me to take Bean.

As we were driving there, she blurted out: I told daddy to pull his head out of his butt!


So, let me set this up a little. One day, completely frustrated with Bean not listening and not doing what I asked her, a million and seven times, to do, I snapped. And hollered: "Bean! Pull your head out of your butt and listen to me!"

I'm just impressed I used 'butt'.

Well, that totally diffused the situation, because she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. She laughed and laughed, in that over-the-top Bean laugh she has, and said "my head isn't in my butt!"

I explained it's a phrase people use when someone isn't paying attention. "You weren't listening to me, so I was worried your head was in your butt."

Fast forward to this weekend, when she said "I told daddy - pull your head out of your butt!"

As I laughed and tried to be stern, I asked why she would say that to him. She said "He wasn't listening to me." Points to her for good usage. But I have to take points away for saying it to a grownup.

I *had* to call Dave and asked how he didn't laugh out loud when she said it. He, apparently, found it less humorous. He said he had to go back into the room and ask "what did you say to me?" incredulously, and that it was a little hard not to smile, but he was already so annoyed with her he didn't find it super funny.

Dude. That's funny. A 3.5-year-old telling you, out of the blue, to pull your head out of your butt? I don't care who you are, that's funny. Maybe not something you encourage her to say again, or to any other grown up, but she deserves one free pass.

(Especially when she says to your ex-husband something you've wanted to say to him so. many. times.)

I explained to her she could say it to me once, too, but then she couldn't ever say it to a grown up again. She said brightly "okay. I will just say it to kids."

Folks, you've been forewarned.

I did tell her it probably wasn't something to say to kids, either, since the kids might then say it to a grown up and get in trouble. I also apologized to her for using the phrase, since I gave her something that could get her in trouble.

But I got a good, long chuckle out of the whole thing. Mostly just trying to picture Dave's reaction when he realized what she said.

Mommy, to birds that flew in front of her car: Ack! Get out of the way birds!
Bean, in response, stops sucking her fingers, says imperially "run them over." and returns the fingers to her mouth.

Perhaps their heads were up their butts and they had it coming?


Miss O is definitely contagious, as my 'allergies' have become a low-grade fever and sore throat. So I have that slightly woozy I'm sick feeling going on. Not to mention I burned the roof of my mouth the other day, so I have a raw spot right where my hard palate meets the soft palate: in other words, right where my tongue pushes against the roof of my mouth every. single. time. I swallow. I keep numbing it with Orajel, but that only takes the edge off the discomfort.

What's that? Y'all are breaking out your tiny violins for me? Pbbllttt. I had to cancel on a potluck dinner I had planned to attend, and will instead be spending my day in my jammies, and enjoying a long hot shower (and possibly a long, hot bath) to ease my discomfort. And to make me warm, because I'm freezing right now. Course, the quiet 'sick day' sounds kind of nice in it's own right ... like those days when you play hookie from work because you don't feel great, but aren't all that sick, and just spend the day vegging out ...


Jen said...

*snort* I just read a good chunk of this out loud to Nathan. Isabelle is freaking hilarious. I'm sure not all the time to you, but man, I love the stories you share. So...other than being sick, how are you, Vick? How's the job search and stuff going?

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