Well, it's a burden, but I manage

I was reading a post by the fab Ms. Single Mama about her Imaginary Husband.

Stuff like this is why I blog and why I enjoy reading blogs - because when you find out someone does something you do, or has experienced something you've experienced, it makes you feel ... good? valid? I'm not sure what the exact word is, but it's something that makes you feel less alone, less weird and more important.

I have a chore list and reasons I miss being married, too. Mine is all about the heavy lifting - both the real and the metaphorical. Things like taking out the trash, carrying heavy stuff, building RTA furniture, tech support ... but also the stuff like sick kids, nighttime parenting, bad days when you just want someone to tell you that you're still a rockstar ... they're all burdens that can be managed alone, but are easier managed with a partner.

Unlike Ms. Single Mama, I wasn't looking to get out, thinking single would be better. In a truly honest assessment, I'll admit that I had wondered about greener pastures. But I had also done more than my fair share of ... grazing ... so I knew that even if they looked green, sometimes they were nothing but chokeweed. Or at best dallisgrass - it may look like real grass, but it's just a clever impostor.

But then, my marriage wasn't awful, either. Maybe it wasn't always a lush Kentucky bluegrass ... more of an annual rye. Something that looked great on the surface, but needed attention to last. So while I'd glance at the other pastures, I figured I was in a pretty good place, as long as we took care of it.

Obviously, we didn't, but that's a whole 'nother post (and one that I've probably done in many different iterations in the past).

Those greener pastures are still there, but, as they always were for me, they're ideas of someone, not actual someones. They're my imaginary future lives, with new significant others, and there are a few versions of them. In the words of Langhorne Slim, there's no road to follow, only stones left unturned.

And while I'm turning them alone right now, I know that one day in the future one of them is going to reveal someone to help shoulder the load.


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