I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty.

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Ahhhh ... {stretches}

It's 7:30 on my final night off. What a nice weekend. I could totally get used to this.

Had some friends over Friday night for an impromptu wine and snack BS session. I had actually wanted/planned to join a local meetup group that was going out to The Main Event, but the Irony Gods had some fun at my expense and zapped me with a subtle-but-present cold sore. No *way* was I going out for a first-time meeting with that kind of disfigurement, so I enacted Plan B, which was a last-minute blitz of "Come over and drink wine and there will be no children." Not a hard sell for the stay-at-home-mom crowd :)

Saturday I really, truly intended to go to the Ikeasaurus garage sale, but after going to bed so late and being allowed to sleep in, I had only a couple hours until it was time for my class. So I hit Borders and Macy's at the Domain, scored HUGE on sale shopping (we're talking Lauren pants for $25), had an indulgent latte and a bagel for lunch, and headed over to the JJ Pickle center (I truly cannot make these kinds of things up). 5 hours of PowerPoints and note-taking and I felt sort of smart. It was cool. I don't usually feel smart; it's more like the 12 brain cells I need to eat/breathe/pee and not forget my kids when I leave are all that stands between me looking functional and me drooling and lost in a corner. But the toe-dip in the shallow end of the learning pool was really nice, and - kudos to me for stepping out of my shell - I actually sought out contact information for networking. Yay me!

Today I had the girls for a few hours so Dave could whip the house into shape for an open house. I napped Miss O, then dragged the troops to Toys-R-Us to look for some sort of outside playscape. I found some kick-ass outside toys at Goodwill the other day: an adjustable, freestanding basketball net, a tool bench (sans tools), a beat up plastic table and a Little Tikes chair for - ready for this? Six dollars. Total. Another $8 got me an older style Plan Toys parking garage (that I actually like way more than the newer style I linkied) and a vtech piano/farm thingie for Miss O. I so rock. I also earned a fat reward check from my credit card, so between the ridiculously cheap toys and the reward check, I don't have to be as frugal with the climber/playscape purchase. The Bargainista in me, tho, can't help but want a better deal than actual retail ...

After a weekend more or less alone, I've realized that I miss having a husband for three reasons:
Heavy lifting
Home improvement
Tech support

And I've realized that I don't want to settle for anything - I want a good job so I can hire the above crap done when it needs done (that's my North Carolina coming out there). Eventually I'd like to find someone to share my life with but really, I'm in no hurry. I kind of like this on my own feeling, and the privacy and control that come with it. I can't imagine giving that up soon, and certainly can't imagine getting involved with someone who needs a lot from me. Love, trust, respect and shared time, yes. The need for me to be their alpha and the omega, not so much. I'd rather fly solo.

I really, really want to get back to work now. For my own ego's sake, if nothing else. But I want this to be just on me. Now, don't think I'll be returning the child support checks, because you're damn Skippy I deserve them for as much as I do for the girls and purchase on their behalf. But I want to be off the dole. I don't want to be dependent. I don't like it one bit. I don't like the idea of Miss O in full-time care, but I prefer it to feeling as if I'm a kept woman.

Can I get an amen?
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